my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
