I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
