I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
