i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
