He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
