Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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