i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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