So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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