i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
