you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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