This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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