did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I've blown a few things in my day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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