sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
