Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
