Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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