I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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