Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
