Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
