Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
