just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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