If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize