The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
