I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Boobs are out for the taking
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
