I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize