Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize