In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
