So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
