Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
