I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
