Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
