Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
