Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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