She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
