my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
