Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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