I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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