What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
