if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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