I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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