Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i was born a porn star she said
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
