hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
