This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
