YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize