Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
