FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize