The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
