she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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