Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
