I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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