my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
