Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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