yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
