WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you traded sex for a burrito?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
