It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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