We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
