3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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