thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize