Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
