Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
