A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
