I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
