I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
