theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
