Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
