seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
