I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
