every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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