I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This house was built for laser tag.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Alive.
So much puke
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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