Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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