just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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