you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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