ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
