Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
