Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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