so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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