I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
