I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
