Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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