How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize