I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
