If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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