I just saw a hot homeless man
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
