So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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