So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
