so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
