Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
