Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
