Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
