And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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