So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
