just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize